Coƒƒee §wirls & Velvét Cake ƒor You*
[Sunday, May 21]
birds eye to the seashore.
I have one more day before camp training begins. i'm not worried about any of it.. for the most part, i know how everything works. but nevertheless, fear is starting to settle in. questions are starting to arise. doubt is creeping in.. this year i'm going to be a covenant group leader.. all 130+ counselors are divided into groups of 8 or so for weekly meetings, support, and just a source of accountability. and i'm going to be leading one. it's only my second year. and i'm starting to wonder how badly i'm going to fail at it. thing is i've been feeling down lately. quite weak and drained. i'm having nightmares and random headaches. and i'm not really a people person. ..i'm more of a person person. doesn't that put me at follower/teamplayer rather than a leader? i am looking forward to it so much, but am just really scared of failing. i don't feel like i'm ready. not physically, not spiritually... not .. i just don't feel like my heart is stable...yesterday i sat in between teta and mum on our red couch. 3 generations laughing and telling stories and argumenting (" "i'm gonna leave it like that just to show you how far out in space i am mentally) on behaviour patterns of people. i showed them the videos i put up of the shabeebeh sleepover. and it was only as it escaped my lips that i realized that what i was saying was the truth, and it hurt badly.
that's what i should be doing. friends. sleepovers. completely out of the blue trips to the mountains- with no adult supervision. we proved we could have an excellent, safe day with our own, most delicious cooking (in the world) when we had our trip to Jbeil. (i'll edit and put up the vid asap.)
...i'll be meeting up with good people this summer. and meeting some new ones too.
but there's nothing like best friends.
one day.
i have to:
-clean my room.
-decorate my room; ostrich feathers, cds, and photos.
-finish reading my book, Captivating.
-get a new pair cheap of glasses &/or contacts for camp.
-send my camera off to be repaired, and restore my soul.
-possibly finish editing videos.
-gain some energy.
:: {kwoo§hie}* was awake at [2:08 PM]
