Coƒƒee §wirls & Velvét Cake ƒor You*

i miss my beautiful 5th grade girls.. grace and megan. i love love love them to death. God is so cool, i can't even fathom.

Not entirely accurate

from bruster's.
that's what i'm having at 1:30am, friday morn.
things are just not right.
i'm deeply disturbed and the fact that i'm having a wonderful time with my cousins has me feeling like a schizo.
some things aren't well right now in this world, and i can't do a thing. i'm helpful-less.
hush up.
i'm going to have my chocolate ice-cream from bruster's.


...
i'm cold now so i'm going to go up and try to find some warmth in my bed.

C
If I were a butterfly,
F F7
I'd thank You Lord for giving me wings.
C
If I were a robin in a tree,
G G7
I'd thank You Lord that I could sing.
C
If I were a fish in the sea,
F
I'd wiggle my tail and I'd giggle with glee,
C F G C
But I just thank You Father for making me, me.

F G C
For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile,
F
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child,
C F G C
And I just thank you Father for making me, me.

If I were an elephant
I'd thank you Lord, by raising my trunk.
If I were a kangaroo,
You know I'd hop right up to you.
If I were an octopus,
I'd thank you Lord for my fine looks.
But I just thank you Father for making me, me.

If I were a wiggly worm,
I'd thank you Lord that I could squirm.
If I were a fuzzy, wuzzy bear,
I'd thank you Lord for my fuzzy, wuzzy hair.
If I were a crocodile,
I'd thank you Lord for my great smile.
But I just thank you Lord for making me, me.

©1974, Mission Hills Music
Words and Music by Brian Howard

friday finally brightened up and the day got better. oh, and hotter.
lots and lots of photos are on facebook [use the link on the left "fbphotos"] for you to enjoy.
i don't really feel like doing anything, but i am currently getting ready for a wedding, and then for my british cousins to arrive. it's exciting, and contributes to me having conflicting feelings towards the fact that i have one more week of camp.

this week has been rough. (so much so that i had a nightmare yesterday about losing half of my girls.) bible time has been disastrous. my flesh drives the spirit out when impatience grows with the 11yr old girls who somehow can not stop talking. even when you're talking about something as serious as nails in your wrists.
yesterday one of the counselors in my covenant group approached me and confronted me with what she found lacking in our group. i'm glad she did. so i don't know why i had a hard time coping with it. last night i was depressed, feeling like a failure, convinced that i am made to follow, and be the most solid support to the leader, but i was not born to lead.
my relationships at home are extremely... i dunno. just ... bad.
i feel like my prayers are being ignored.
i have no answers.
i hear no replies.

but still, i woke up with joy.
and at what i dreaded as our covenant group meeting ended up to be not from 4:30 til 6, as in the contract, but when we finally stopped talking (nonstop) about the deepest mysteries of God, it was 7:45. we stood up, threw our take-away zaxby's trash, and head out as the sky rumbled and lightning struck the ground.
i left with joy.
we never reached a conclusion.
i still don't have answers.
i still hear no replies.
i'm still unworthy and still a sinner.

i want to be like Jesus.

ma girl and i had fun this evening, when at home time at camp, at the spur of a moment, i was chosen to babysit.

on my way home, i found that i could drive for miles. i could have easily kept going past my house and head to the interstate to drive all night to reach someone i love...

i drove, and as i listened to hungry and better is one day, i felt something. i discovered it.
i'm in love with God.

Camp 1

Camp 2 (will continue to be updated)

Lakehouse

daryl's team (white t)


meagan's team (orange t)


lil pic i took after the fireworks were simmering.

the only reason i have an appreciation for independance day is that we get a day off. ie, catch up on sleep, lounge around, enjoy 'o brother, where art thou' yet again, and generally do nothing.
instead of community, some of the counselors got together at the church grounds for some food and then we played barefoot kickball on the football field until it was too dark to see the ball, whence, conveniently, the fireworks began. in all serenity, the odd group of counselors sat comfortably on the ground and watched the array of lights for free. i noticed that it's an excellent way to release anger. i wasn't angry, but i thought of how cool it would be if you were bottling up anger only to explode into an shower of little, coloured stings. and depending on your anger motive or mood, the lights would be a specific colour, and in a specific design and measure of bang.
it was a chaotic evening. not only were there fireworks in four visible directions, but also there were camera flashes (mostly from me, not my camera) and also actual lightning. it got dim (as opposed to dark) very quickly over the course of our game because clouds had been moving in all evening. by the time i got home (a nice ride with the windows down and mutemath on the radio), it was raining. not a lot, but the raindrops were heavy.

this week at camp is one of the smaller weeks because most families go away for the holiday. so it's a nice quiet atmosphere... i've got 5th grade girls again, 3 of which i had the first time. beautiful Grace is with me again, and that makes me happy. thing is i have 9 girls instead of the usual 7-8 because of the odd number of kids coming in. in total i think there are about 10 4,5th grade groups. so in assembly you look around and think, "that's it? where is everybody?" it's weird, but a nice change.
the selection of art counselors this week rocks. the art leader, becca, amy, j*ro and i. ultimate artists guarantee ultimate fun. it's a pity it's only a four day week.
pictures to come.
speaking of which, i have a camera in the mail. i couldn't handle not having one. it should be here either wed or thurs. even though i ordered it on fri.

i've been researching tickets to va for two weeks starting end of july. i dunno if i should go. inside of that is a camp up in pa (i think) again. i still don't know about that either. i'm praying for an answer on each. i might go for the first but not the second. izzat ok with you cuzs?
in two weeks we have a billion things going on. or so. including:
-a wedding, for which i have no dress.
-mum's bday
-3 cousins and my aunt from england are arriving (while we're at the wedding)
-my other aunt's bday
-my uncle is leaving for good =(
-uncle charlie and timy and joe and sarah are coming by from lebanon for two days, in which we'll hit the aquarium and maybe the cnn center.
-two of my closest counselor friends (probably THE closest) are leaving for another camp =(
-my other other aunt from florida is heading up here with her family
-i (sadly) finish camp to be able to see family. i'll probably go in for the big assemblies on fridays to see the kids before they leave. and maybe counselors too.

so yeah.

..i've been sleepless this week. i think i miss someone a lot. and not knowing keeps me awake. the fact that i have a blocked nose, and a continuous feeling of wanting to sneeze doesn't help with the whole sleep well thing either.
ever since i moved here, the only way i can get to sleep is to exhaust myself, so that when i hit my feather pillow, i'm out. i can't recall them, but i await the days when i have nothing to occupy me or worry me, when i can just lay in bed, think about the day, think about my passions, and my love, talk to God, and just, peacefully, drift off to sleep.

until later,
salutations non-existant persons.