Coƒƒee §wirls & Velvét Cake ƒor You*

[Thursday, July 13]

stop the game. look up.

the girls pointed up, so we stopped chasing the soccer ball and i ran to get my camera. this is why 'you are my ray of sunshine' is more than a compliment.

this week has been rough. (so much so that i had a nightmare yesterday about losing half of my girls.) bible time has been disastrous. my flesh drives the spirit out when impatience grows with the 11yr old girls who somehow can not stop talking. even when you're talking about something as serious as nails in your wrists.
yesterday one of the counselors in my covenant group approached me and confronted me with what she found lacking in our group. i'm glad she did. so i don't know why i had a hard time coping with it. last night i was depressed, feeling like a failure, convinced that i am made to follow, and be the most solid support to the leader, but i was not born to lead.
my relationships at home are extremely... i dunno. just ... bad.
i feel like my prayers are being ignored.
i have no answers.
i hear no replies.

but still, i woke up with joy.
and at what i dreaded as our covenant group meeting ended up to be not from 4:30 til 6, as in the contract, but when we finally stopped talking (nonstop) about the deepest mysteries of God, it was 7:45. we stood up, threw our take-away zaxby's trash, and head out as the sky rumbled and lightning struck the ground.
i left with joy.
we never reached a conclusion.
i still don't have answers.
i still hear no replies.
i'm still unworthy and still a sinner.

i want to be like Jesus.

:: {kwoo§hie}* was awake at [11:01 PM]